My fellow Americans! I am proud to tell you that our colonization of the moon has been successful thanks to the wonderful corporations that assisted us in wiping out the natives! Now that we have succeeded in introducing oxygen and plant life on the moon, we can start letting the general public come and take advantage of the super-luxury apartments with TouchWall ™ technology that Microsoft in conjunction with Intel is offering. The apartments are housed in compounds protecting us from terrorists by XE (formerly known as Blackwater) Security.
Investment into new places to live provides us with unprecedented opportunities and access to a whole new set of resources. The United States of America now owns the Moon and will expect foreign states to pay us for the resources they utilize from us such as moon-light. We will be introducing the “Moon-Light Trade Treaty” at the headquarters of the World Trade Organization to set a standard rate of 35% of each state’s GDP to continue to use US assets. China and Iran have stated that they will not be joining the “Moon-Light Trade Treaty” so America has no choice but to impose economic sanctions on these rogue states.
Unfortunately, today we live in a world of uncertainly and doubt. Due to the terrorist threat on the moon, income tax will be raised by 40% to pay the good people of XE to keep us safe and the Microsoft to keep us connected. This applies to all citizens, on Earth and Abroad.
Now, there is huge controversy going on regarding the building of a Mosque near the artificial oasis we created in sector G13 on the dark side of the Moon. Regardless of the number of Churches, Wiccan Temples, and Synagogues built around that site, I feel that letting a mosque be built on the moon will encourage people like Usama Bin Ladin (even if he has been dead for the better part of a century). America is a state of religious tolerance and freedom. Therefore, to protect that freedom, to stop something like 9/11 from ever happening again, we cannot let the mosque be built. Thank you my fellow Americans and God Bless!
